My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize