That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
