she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
