yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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