You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
