saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
