Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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