You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
