the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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