The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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