You don't have asthma, your pregnant
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize