I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
