I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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