I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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