my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I love you. Go after that dick
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
