dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
