you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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