I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
