Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
