Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
