I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
love makes seman taste better
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
