then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize