one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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