Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
