My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize