I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
