Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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