I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you win again, gameday.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
