loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
