I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
