Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
