just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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