Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
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