If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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