So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
