He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
