I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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