I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
