Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
