Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
