Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
