sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
