I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
