Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
