Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
