i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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