before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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