Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
