At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
