You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
