Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
