Fine. I'll sleep in my office
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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