I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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