Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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