its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
