Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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