I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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