He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My ass is underappreciated
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
