people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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