Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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