i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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