Need sex. Gaining weight.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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