do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
