My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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