meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
