hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize